Because he was a fun-ghi. 96. 21 What are the only two seasons a Redneck can name? What does a cloud wear under his raincoat? Vel-crows. What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? It was tense. Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill? Whats orange and sounds like a carrot? Here are 125 funny jokes for kids that will make even the most serious adult smile. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. 191. 4.5M views 1 year ago Adult Jokes In Kid Cartoons! She gets out and says I want you two to make mad passionate love to me in the barn. The letter V! Corny (OK, bad) one-liners. Well, Bubba began, We wuz havin a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, Hey, der ya fellows wanna go hunting?. Lack-Toast Intolerant. If the answer is positive, scroll down below to check them all out! As we drink the coffee, we realized that it tastes like dirt and mud. What runs around a yard without actually moving? 169. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Climbing out of the wreckage, one redneck said to the other, Do you know where we are?, I think so, replied the other redneck. 238. Data! There are over 200 short jokes that will keep you and your friends chucklesnorting all day! 107. Someone glued my deck of cards together. The gravy train. You spend so much time on the course. 131. The owner welcomes him and shows him to the table. Why is Peter Pan always flying? How do you tell if a vampire is sick? 248. So, if you don't like jokes, skip jokes and view photos only. I would love to keep you fully stocked with creative ideas, yummy recipes, fun crafts, and loads of free printables. 208. He wanted to be a Smartie. Between you and me, something smells! ", Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. When we stopped him and asked why he was doing that, he replied, "I was just trying to see how it tasted because my teacher said that the homework would be a piece of cake for me. 245. He looks at his mother and says, "Look Momma, I'm a white boy." His mother slaps him hard on the face and says, "Boy, go show your Daddy." The boy goes into the living room and says "Look Daddy, I'm a . The doctor listened to his problems and told him that he should really visit a therapist instead of a doctor. It saw the salad dressing. Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal to someone else, will receive unlimited free liquor for the duration of the flight!". But the pilot objected he said, The plane can take out only four of your elk. 209. Ca-shew! 227. So they pick it up and carry it over, and count one, and two and three, and throw it in the hole. What breaks when you speak? Cars, camping, and even baking - all of these topics are discussed in these funny jokes that are long, entertaining, and purely hilarious. Because its so cool. 139. Because he was outstanding in his field. 145. 196. What do you call a space magician? After Sunday church, the priest would hand us each an orange and a big cookie. I had him chained to a transmission!. My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. 79. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Why did the clown always choose the red balloon? Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. A chili dog. How old are you?. "My daughter answered: "It's because of my friend's stutter.". 24. After a long period of silence she finally speaks: "Tim, I've been thinking, now that we're married maybe it's time you quit golfing. Delighted with their new word they merrily played through the night and went to bed late. Print them off for free! ", A businessman went into the office and found an inexperienced handyman painting the walls. The 911 operator told him that she would send someone out right away. 253. 168. What is it?The attorney replied, The pictures are of you with your secretary., I was visiting the house of a distant cousin when I saw that he was playing chess with his cat. By the bark. Here, I will give you an example, do you own a weed Wacker? Jim said. Pup-eroni pizza! For a second, everything was quiet in the cab. 258. 36. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, "Congratulations! 160. To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. 237. A man is driving down a highway, and he hits and kills a rabbit. What did one eye say to the other? How can you spot a baby snake? "A voice from the back of the room said, "Yeah, right. "This must be a mistake," the man says. A faux pa. Why did the belt go to jail? What kind of pizza do dogs eat? 37. I can even do it with my eyes closed. Well my wifes so stupid, she bought us a Blu-Ray player and we dont even have a TV. 1. A dumb blonde joke? And if you have a house, you probably have a wife, and if you have a wife you must be a heterosexual!if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_11',619,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0'); Wow! Jim said, You found all that out just because I have a weed Wacker! The Dean nodded. 210 Best Jokes for Kids of All Ages. His wife was standing nearby watching him. Why should you never ask a dinosaur to read a story if you are in a hurry? I went to this haunted house for exploration. When I told him that it was a miracle, he disagreed and told me, "Son, I had just fallen from the first step of the ladder.". An impasta. One says, Spit out your gum, and the other says, Choo choo choo!. ", A guy asks a lawyer about his fees.I charge $50 for three questions, the lawyer says.Thats awfully steep, isnt it?, the guy asks.Yes, I suppose so, the lawyer replies. 264. The vendor takes the money and begins helping the next customer. The second boy goes into the kitchen and Dad again asks what is wanted for breakfast. 234. A dragon sees two knights and sighs. "Theyre all at the funeral. We respect your privacy. What runs but never goes anywhere? 270. Or, a less awkward one anyway. They are worth a good eye roll from them! 111. 290. 103. People are always worried about their cell phones or microwaves spying on them. Nothing. What did the grape say to the silly peanut butter? Why did the gym close down? Why did the computer get glasses? Herein, we've rounded up the 50 funniest jokes that are so silly they're practically sunshine. - You take 'em to the old Volk's home. 3. it's pretty much a universal fact that petting or even spotting a dog in the street can lift your mood. And perhaps, you'll even find some new sexting material. With a mon-key. The mummy said, "Please don't play jazz because my trom-bones are in a very bad shape. He waits a painfully long moment before finishing, "scotch. A father-in-law. Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly yells out, Mother of six, I think its time to go! The wife immediately shouts back, Ill be right with you, father of four!, Two young boys had their redneck cousin over to spend the night with them. "The farmer didn't answer. How do you make holy water? He approaches the bartender and says, "If there is a triangle with three sides labeled x, y, and z, and x and z are perpendicular to each other, which side is the hypotenuse? Why are hairdressers never late for work? A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. A Russian truckdriver stops at the back of a long queue on the motorway. 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Thinking this was a little strange, the businessman asked the handyman why he was wearing the parkas on such a hot day.The handyman showed him the instructions on the can of paint. Why did the alien go to the doctor? TODAY: Ready to show teachers some ? Why did the witches team lose the baseball game? ( Golf Workout Program) 7) "Housework won't kill you. I dont know, and I dont care. It was below sea level. "What did I tell you?" ", A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. Even when you know the punchline is totally going to make you groan, a clever gag is always worth hearing. The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Why cant a bicycle stand on its own? Where should you go in the room if youre feeling cold? Did you hear about the guy who stole a calendar? Because they use honeycombs. Why did the nurse need a red pen at work? Mussels! bamc emergency medicine residency; lightsaber activation box Why were the fishs grades so bad? @gmail.com: When the Internet stops working, you try rebooting the router before calling a family member for help. 190. Please enter your email to complete registration. What cookie flavor do monkeys love? 89. 228. Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! What do you call a famous turtle? What is the strongest animal in the sea? Because he was outstanding in his field. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs. What type of candy is always late? No, answered the redneck, she just lays there like her mother. Because people are dying to get in. What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor? As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen. 114. Q: Con A: Okay, now you say, "Control Freak who?" Here are more knock knock jokes that are genuinely funny! Why does everyone invite ice cream to the party? As they do, they are passed by a wiser, older fish coming the other way. ""Yeah, it's been a rough day," says the bartender, "What are you drinking? ", As a group of robbers entered the bank, their leader went to the manager and asked him to open the vault. 261. What is a gust of winds favorite color? The police said some heels started it. How do you measure a snake? Sneakers wont help you outrun that bear." How did the pig get to the hogspital? 189. Then a cat comes in, stares at the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Shutterstock Lawsuits! One evening, after the honeymoon, he was organizing his golfing equipment. The thief replied: "In that case, give me my money.". Including cringe-worthy puns and corny laughs that'll give your dad a run for his money. Whats the worst he can do there, besides rattle the bars? On a road trip with the family? If you cant find a date! "The boy licked his cone and replied: "Because the day I take the dollar the game is over! It had buck teeth. Cattle-logs. Wondering what is was for, he joined it. A pork chop. Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There's no atmosphere. Because it was soda pressing. Only this year Im gonna do it different. Redneck cousin says I dont know, but I sure as HELL dont want any motherf***ing pancakes!. It was just gathering dust. Make me one with everything.. 266. What is Forrest Gumps email password? Whats the best thing about Switzerland? The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. 285. The bartender is extremely busy and looks tired. 19 Whats the last thing you usually hear before a redneck dies? The first hunter says, Wow, thats some hole; I cant even see the bottom. You mustang out with me. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. Why did the bee get married? ", My nagging wife died suddenly on a trip to Jerusalem. A philosiraptor. In inchesthey dont have feet. Best One-Liner Dad Jokes "I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now." "A guy walks into a bar.and he was disqualified from the limbo contest." "You think swimming with sharks is expensive? ""My God!" The signature of a dad joke is that it's utterly uncool. I think this is about 100 yards further along than where we crashed last year!. 289. Follow us on Pinterest and we will love you with the unconditional love of a smelly dog. He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. I always pronounce one word wrong. "If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up", said the sarcastic teacher. One of the hunters pushed forward, Hey, last year our pilot let us take out six elk. Inside it is a genie who agrees to grant each friend one wish. The second redneck says, Oh yeah? The two boys had never heard that word before and asked about it. 127. Why did the tomato turn red? Football and Construction. ""For a minute there you were beginning to sound like my ex-wife.""Ex-wife!" Apparently, you cant use beef stew as a password. Where do elephants store their clothes? ", says the first crow.The second crows takes a long look, "That's a scarecrow. Thanks Ill never part with it! 229. What kind of bug can tell time? Live stream. 98. 16. 90. What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? ", Putin is held hostage by a terrorist. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? 256. What do you call a sleeping bull? With a pumpkin patch. Phillipe Phillope. 78. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. 104. A tough old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning. What do you call a dog thats been run over by a steamroller? 259. What kind of fish loves going to battle? ", A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client and said to him, Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news.The art collector replied, Ive had an awful day; lets hear the good news first.The attorney said, Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million. Also an owner of 0.0028 Bitcoin. One redneck looks to the other and says: Man, I sure wish I could do that. The other redneck says: Maybe if you pet him first.. Open-toad! Whats the best smelling insect? ", 400 passengers but only 200 meals were loaded onto a flight from Delhi to New York City. A waist of time. What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? Ten-tickles. We finally asked the son where his father was. Britain's oldest woman turned 114 today. Dad smacks the little boy and admonishes him for swearing and sends him back into his room. Because it was cultured. Elementree school. 207. A couple of hours into the flight she nervously announced, "Ladies and gentleman; we don't know how this happened, but we have over 400 people on board, but only 200 dinners. A man stands in line at an ATM in Moscow. The man shakes his head. What makes cars not work properly when you change wheels? Why was the cell phone wearing glasses? Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because they have a lot of spirit! Did you hear about the witch that went into the desert? Because of all the sand which is there! Swimming with sharks cost me an arm and a leg." "When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?" Quick Lesson. What did the snail who was riding on the turtles back say? The man asked the barber to give his son a haircut while he shopped for groceries nearby. Shutterstock A New Jersey! Why are skeletons so calm? ", A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table.His wife asks, "Do you know her? Now I know I can handle the bad news. Address! Youve just made my day. 200. The redneck cousin said OW MOTHERF***ER GET OFF MY FINGER!. 283. So, the wife and I were in town shopping And as we came out of a store, three girls aged between 18 and 20 walked by, wearing tiny cropped tops and short short skirts. One of them, a tall blonde, had really fantastic, long, toned and tanned legs.I gently nudged my wife and said, "I bet you wish you still had legs like that! He was not happy with his life, he was not happy with the job he was doing. 288. 35 Animal Jokes For Kids IHOP. They suspected foul play. Is it mine or the machines?". they are always good for a laugh! ", A family was having dinner once when the youngest boy asked his father whether worms tasted nice when we eat them. Because he was a little more on. I was once passing through a town in England when this lady stopped me because she needed help fixing her car that had broken down. The bear catches up to him, knocks him down on the ground, then gets on its knees and says, "Dear Lord, thank you for this food I am about to receive". A deodor-ant. The wiser fish greets the two as he passes, saying, "Morning, boys! In his sleevies! Cheerios! A man takes his sick Chihuahua to the veterinarian. Why did the scarecrow win an award? "A nurse tells the third man, "Congratulations! 38. Itll be okay, son. What do you call a pudgy psychic? After an hour he loses his patience and yells, "Putin is to blame for this I'm going to the Kremlin and I will get rid of him! 106. An hour passed, two hours passed. 235. For an optimal experience visit our site on another browser. A Dell! 163. A walk. 151. As the policeman approaches the truck, the truckdriver rolls down his window and asks, "What's going on? "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long? 54. Let me send you my very best ideas, free printables, inspiration and exclusive content every week! Theres nothing worth crapping on. What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror? Despresso. Funny Car Jokes. Because it had so many problems. Because it saw the salad dressing, of course. 86. Any dog, because buildings cant jump. A starfish! Blew. ", asks the bear. People who dont like fast food! "The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?There was a long pause and finally he said, "How 'bout if I drag him over to Oak Street and you pick him up there? A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? It let out a little wine. What part of the car is the laziest? How does NASA organize a party? Where do happy lightning bolts live? You wont miss an opportunity to make someone laugh with these corny good jokes. To get to High School. When I offered it some food, I was taken aback because it suddenly started talking. What does a triceratops sit on? As I was fixing the car, the lady would cross the road and shout "Hello" at me. Well except the kids, right? During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password: "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"When asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital. (Gumball, The Loud House, Teen Titans Go) The amazing world of gumball, Teen titan and Teen titans Go, Adventure Time and even Gravity falls are. How did the blonde die ice fishing? Why is it impossible to starve in the desert? It was pointless. It was tense. How do you make a pool table laugh? What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? "I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense. They crashed in the wilderness. 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