Everybody is in agreement! Hes been working through them and he was much better during my last work trip. At tax time we make about the same but for my emergency calls its hard to keep up. Thanks. If it was possible to take him along I could see that potentially helping if the main issue is wrong information and assumptions. Just last night I got home around sunset to find my wifes car in the driveway, the garage door open, all the lights off, and the house still and quiet. Bonus was that the skills I learned translate to my professional and personal life *every day*. Sorry Sketch, that wasnt aimed specifically at you. What if he dies? I didnt sign up for this. Of course, this is all conjecture. I LOVE it when my wife travels. Ive done that before too, and it was invaluable in setting healthy boundaries in a sane, functional manner. Time to treat him like a tantruming toddler. *Now having said all that, I 100% agree that the husband is over-reacting*. And lets not forget: its entirely possible for someone to dabble in being a controlling, selfish jerk without really rising to the level of abuse or being an abuser. I cant speak for anyone but IMHO a little travel, twice a year or so is fine and take your spouse if you can but this several overnights monthly is not what I signed up for. I know that many conferences are held there, and wouldnt bat an eye at my fiancee going there without me. Same with mine. However, she expresses that love with some convoluted discussion about the risk of driving a car 8 miles from our home to downtown. Theyve had a lot of issues actually, and it kind of doesnt work for her. Bookings are open for June, July, and August family vacations in 2023, with per person prices starting at $3,699. Other than that, we gambled, we ate a lot, we walked a lot, saw a lot of family-oriented and kid-oriented activities swam in the hotels outdoor pool. Lets not give credibility to LWs spouse by arguing the matter of whether its really dangerous, or whether he has reasons to believe she will have an affair. She is not the nicest mother in law, either. There is an incredible amount of stuff to do and fun to be had in Vegas without doing a single sinful thing, even if you WERE there for just a vacation and not a work trip. The husband may need counselling to discover why he willing to sabotage the family bread winner. Its not legal in Las Vegas, although theres probably a lot of escort services, youre probably thinking of Reno, where they have legal brothels that have to follow a ton of regulations. In either case, I should have ended it. My husband is like this, perhaps to a slightly lesser extent. He may not listen and will keep bringing it up, but its worth a shot (and then repeating)! Is he OK generally and just bad about work trips? This. I do think the OP should be cautious and watch for other signs of controlling behavior/abuse, but if this is an aberration (and she says above that it is), I dont think the what happens in Vegas is enough to shift it for me. My company sent managers to Las Vegas last February for a corporate business trip for three days. rarely cede ground. I hope some of it is helpful to you in some way. I live in a small country area where most woman are not in my position & usually give in to husbands demands whether or not it is ethical.Counsling is usually never seeked out. I know its forbidden to comment on typos, but the gamboling is perfect! $57 foie gras burgers and stuff, just total lunacy. OP, I agree with the advice you dont have to choose between your marriage and your job if you dont want to. I went just this month with my husband. There is no amount of structuring my life that would have kept me from feeling anxious. Youve talked about what your husband thinks of the trip, and what you reckon the impact of going and not going would be on your career. I went to Vegas for several scientific conferences back in the day, and I thought it was a weird idea until the first time I actually went. Unlike other cities where the hotels and expo centers are spread apart dotted in among the rest of the city, the downtown area was basically built for tourists/travelers. etc.. For work, though, it is perfect. Whether or not you go on the trip is secondary. The follow up is what took it from possible anxiety issue on overdrive to controlling husband for me. And opportunities to cheat and people who will spike a strangers drink exist in every city. All the more reason to get out and build a life with someone who is your partner and not a leach who wants to cripple your independence and your career. :P. The drunk human traffickers are trafficking the dealers! I hope that isnt what this turns out to be, but whatever it is, its not good. I bet youll have fun. And you will regret it even more if your marriage ends and you put yourself in a worse position just to appease irrational fears. I actually agree that the comment section here can jump to that explanation a little too quickly and without anything in the letter to support it, but they arent in hysterics about it. There are counties where selling alcohol is illegal. You just cant. Ill be safer and better nourished (I am a run of the mill vegetarian, but somehow that was hard to deal with, too. My husband nearly had to go to Vegas for a conference a couple of months ago (were in the UK so its pretty far!) Its not some ridiculous naked sex drug party. I think OP and her husband are from a more conservative background. (Somehow I did survive!). Whether he is abusive, controlling, insecure, or driven by unmanageable anxiety we dont know. Yeah, there are definitely shady parts of Vegas, in the same way are in almost every city. Hes a control freak who will beg, lie and manipulate every situation to get his way. Being worried about my safety seemed a bit off since I was being chauffered around with a group of his female relatives. (A high crime rate gets lots of news coverage, with dramatic photos; a major reduction in the crime rate doesnt, because TV news doesnt want pictures of people walking down the street in safety with friends, doing their shopping, picnicking in the park.). THIS. That was plenty for me, for the social experience.). Interestingly, prostitution is a county-by-county decision in Nevada. Can you tell mewhat todo?Maya. It sounds like theres a lot you two have to work through but if his primary concern is for your personal safety, as other folks have mentioned, Las Vegas is actually pretty safe for a big city. Im going to a conference there in November for in-depth training on our electronic medical records system (not exactly a party subject! But it was a pain in the ass to get there, I felt super unsafe walking around at night (as in, someone else from the conference actually got muggedthere were few street lights and the streets were deserted after dark), and the food sucked. I think this is my problem with some of the suggestions that OP should bring her husband on the trip. Holy smokes. (And hes questioning the motives of the company in having the trip in the first place? Being with a partner whose anxieties and irrational fears are put on your shoulders is not healthy, and thank god I recognized it when I did! For the more immediate concerns, maybe you could also suggest scheduling a phone call every night or something to help put his mind at ease, and that yall meet with a counselor to help work through his concerns. But if not, why would you stay with this. Doyou have any tips onbuilding trust, friendship, and respect with your partners family? Its just unacceptable. My mom has cooled off a bit now that Im almost 40 (!! That doesnt mean I believe totally that hubby polled everybody and reports the results fairly, but it really doesnt have to be an indication that he ignored a local majority to find like-minded people. As a non-gambler I found Las Vegas boring as hell. He doesnt have to be consciously choosing thesetheyre already out there. Stay at Luxor for dirt cheap, or Mandalay Bay for the pool. Also accusing someone of cheating so you have to surveil them is right out of the abuser handbook. I love my husband to bits, hes a good man, but I would never ever ever want to be in a position where I was financially dependent on him. You also really have to go because youre the primary breadwinner in the family. Well, it depends. Its really way to easy to armchair diagnose, and its not helpful. I had to go to Vegas once a year for a few days at my last job and I hated it. This is none of his business and catering to his insecurities is not your responsibility. My husband and I sat way in the back and giggled through the whole show. I do have anxiety and PTSD from my days in the army. Dont get hit by a car!! I think that it is much more scary to be hurt by someone you know, so people are more likely to believe in the bogeyman dark alley scenario. Perhaps its Vegass advertising being really effective with him, or perhaps its something larger. I think that marriage counseling is the right way to go. Marriage counselling is categorically not recommended if there is abuse. Note however, I dont think this excuses the employees OR means that its wrong to have a corporate event in Vegas. I know its easier to say Leave him! to someone else than it is to actually leave your spouse but please know that leaving him over this would not be an overreaction. July 1, 2022 Posted by clients prepaid financial services derbyshire; 01 . Like, people bring their own experiences to the table here, so might feel invalidated or defensive when its suggested its the other explanation. Might I suggest Hotwire? But we had conversations where we discussed what I was doing to stay safe, and we had agreed upon methods of checking in (calling / texting at certain reasonable times, for example). A dancer charged a bunch of stuff on my credit card. (sees where incident happened) Or maybe, you bought 10 bottles of Cristal for strippers and then panicked when your accounting department asked for a receipt? I hope youll get the chance to play some poker while youre there. [He loves playing poker but seldom gets to play, as Im not a fan of the game.]. If he was just bummed to be at home alone while shes gone, or something. While that is a choice that some people wouldnt want to make, an annual business trip is very common. My husband has been for business conferences. Just those who DO think its abuse should be aware that when they think that, the best thing to suggest is individual not joint therapy. Though those are also the traditional bogeymen for women out on their own, as evidenced by the many people talking about their mothers fears. Im good at what I do and I dont want to be made to feel bad because of it. OP, I believe that professional help figuring out what exactly is going on (including ruling in or ruling out a medical cause like primary anxiety or OCD) and getting professional treatment based on that, is the best first step for you here. Also, sometimes its exhausting to argue with an anxiety sufferer and you end up agreeing to get out of the discussion. or is it not? Roppongi it is! Ive actually been there and I agree its overplayed and that corporate concerns are more about flights and conference rooms but its weird to act like youve never heard this stereotype. Its hard enough to be a single lady without constantly watching single ladies being attacked!! I dont think youre going to be able to use logic or rational arguments to rid him of any fears. rarely cede ground. ), Yeah man, Id be super bummed if my wife went to Vegas and didnt take me with her, I freakin love Vegas!. Copyright 2007 - 2023 Ask A Manager. Almost every hotel on the strip has some sort of tourist attractions be it rides, shows, or other types of attractions and you can spend the entire day walking from hotel to hotel to see what they offer and have a great (and relatively cheap!) Of course, they can be bothbut then IMHO, that boils down to controlling anyway. Shes very, very conservative Christian, as is her husband. Its really hard for people to disagree with their buddies in ways harsher than well, I dont know about THAT, but I can see where youre coming from., I can very easily see him going would YOU let your wife go on some so-called business trip with her sleazy coworkers to Vegas?? For the OP, thats the problem here. If hes of the mind that the husband should be the breadwinner then it sounds like insecurity about his own career. You dont get PERMISSION, you agree that something is good, or you dont, but this bs about him letting you go on a work trip is just gross. Im not even sure how I would react to that. I see wholesome as suitable for minors and conservative folks, so yeah, sex work isnt that. A relationship problem is not necessarily a problem where both people in the relationship are doing something wrong, but a problem that affects the relationship. Vegas does business trips right. And we have no way of knowing, so a lot of people are going the when this happened to me it was X, so thats whats happening here.. Thank you so much for being the voice of reason here. We stay at mid-level resorts and usually pay about $40 a night. within arms range. Asking for baseline respect should not be a fraught conversation. They go out of their way to watch everyone. There are times when I feel safer in Vegas than I do my own city. Counseling is legit, or ask him to come along. Next, things you can do. They just find more things to get worried about. I wanted to comment on the everyone I talked to agrees with me stance hes taken. Its not you I dont trust, its other people.. Anyway, TL;DR, there can be hope for these situations, despite what the commentariat here may imply. It also couldnt be. My mom believes that her quiet suburban neighborhood and my own are overrun by prowling sex offenders when the sun goes down. Its possible, though, that he really is controlling. My wife is suffering from both major depression and anxiety, and she has her individual sessions to work on her mental health issue and were in marriage counseling to work on ourselves as a couple. I read books. Why do you feel this way?. There are opportunities everywhere for illicit behavior, even at home. It really seems like your husband doesnt trust you, and as AAM said, that is a relationship problem. Thats kind of hilarious because my ex was super upset the first time I went to Utah (current spouses family lives there), because he thought Id let our daughter be kidnapped by polygamists. We walk through various casinos and gawk. And when she called home she was mean to me and I noticed she fixed her hair differently and she looked very happy. :D. Naked Business Orgy in Vegas is what Im naming my metal-covers-of-show-tunes band. Dont let his fear poison that for you, it wont end well for your happiness or well being. Plan some quiet time or independent activities if you're getting frustrated. But this doesnt seem to be important to the OP she recognizes that she should be allowed to go on business trips. Agreed. He may make it seem like you are choosing your career over your marriage, which of course causes you to feel guilty, but as my good friend said recently youre not choosing your career over him, youre choosing yourself over him. Im trying to take that advice to heart OP, hope you can too! Last but not least, take some time for yourself. I posted above about his great and powerful They. The Everybody who agrees with him. Its not about what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, its about Vegas has made themselves a very strong event destination, and that includes for regular businesses.. Whether anxiety is a contributing factor or not, thats all it is. Like Winter says . Your company wouldnt put you in harms way, and your husband should trust you enough to no cheat or do something vegasy. Access to prostitutes, drugs, extramarital affairs, and excessive drinking and shenanigans is available pretty much in every town and city. I highly doubt these people genuinely agree with him, but are more likely playing the supportive friend role. Ifthis isjust aone-time thing, and heusually shares himself freely with you, then itmay betime for him tolook atwhy hedidnt want you there inthe first place. If my husband were on a trip to Vegas, Id be fine with it, but if he were going with his coworker, Id probably want to tag along. This is OPs husbands issue, not hers. One of my favorite Dan Savage letters was about whether they were broken up (his former girlfriends opinion) or not broken up (his preference, because it would mean he had to start dating again and who wants that bother?). We did a family vacation to Vegas about six years ago (were about a 4-5 hour drive away). I deal with these irrational fears with a sort of ritual where I always leave people I love on a positive note and let them know how much I love them, since the thought is always running through my head that I may never see them again. I ALWAYS wonder in these cases if the guy actually did do this, or is just saying that he did to bolster his own stance. By letting him come chaperone her once I worry that now hell believe this is reasonable and that he should chaperone all future work travel then all interactions with work colleagues, with single men, etc. I have family in Henderson and go there every February to escape the snow. is a really good sign! I am the main provider in our home, and it angers me that it seems he wants to sabotage my job because of his insecurities. This is more his problem than yours. walk. Mothers anxious overprotectiveness would have destroyed me (and my relationship with her) if Id let it limit my life the way she wanted to (in the moment, when she was anxious). (Also worth mentioning: The ways weve developed the concept of masculinity in the US mean that many guys express anxious feelings as anger, so look out for that too.) Congratulations! Its really easy to say everyone else agrees (and they conveniently do so somewhere that you cant actually see/hear what they said), so anything that smacks of that strikes me as worthy of taking with a shakerfull of salt. Ding ding ding! I was thinking the same thing. Your brain chemistry & brain function is literally abnormal, for a start. Hes watched too many college Spring Break movies, right? But please ask yourself if this is an isolated incident, or if there have been other times when your husband has expressed this kind of feeling when you go out with friends for dinner, is it less likely that youll be kidnapped somehow? THANK you. My husband gets nervous whether Im traveling for business or just about town (granted, Im not the best driver). Los Vegas is known more for shows and EDM festivals than anything else these days. I usually find that veiled anxiety/fear of minorities is at the root of cities are dangerous and scary and you must never go out after dark fears, but rarely is it veiled so thinly. Whoever heard of such a thing, going to Sin City for work! No matter how cool your parents are, money always comes with obligations. Right on the top!! Im just going to share my experience if it doesnt fit, let it roll off your back. We have a beach house and are splitting the expenses. Thats the weirdest part of it to me! I have the same problem and have since I was a child. Which update is that? Its really hard to say without getting into his mind. Except I divorced mine. If you want to take PTO and extend your trip, please let me know and we can schedule your flights accordingly., Hehe even though were in DC, Xcorp still expects our employees to behave better than the politicians. (except those gun dangers present everywhere in the US.). His parents are awful. No constant phone calls/other distractions.) And the shopping! Youre not asking for permissionyoure telling him this is what youve decided. Studies show that men who are outearned by their wives and cannot cover the households bills with their own income generally act out more about their successful wives. Hell figure something out; youll figure something out. The weather sucks in Vegas. Your baby may like the car but that is a long ride and a big change for LO so it'll be ok but may not be as smooth as your imagining. It seems infinitely more likely that what they actually said was yeah man, that sucks, I dont know why she wouldve broken up with you as sympathy and he took it that way, but either way, you dont date by committee! Do I refuse to go to save my marriage or go on the trip and try to keep good stance in my company?

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